The Beginning :: The Point of This
The point of this is simple. I still have so much to say, still feel so much, but can no longer say it to the only person that is meant to hear it. I can no longer reach out to you, in so doing I would only go from lucky, happy, loving fiancee to bothersome ex who simply can't let it go.
It is likely that you will never read any of this, and perhaps that's for the best, but this at least allows me to say all the things swirling in my chaotic thoughts. A catharsis of the deeply bruised heart.
5 weeks ago you were smiling, laughing. We were making plans and making love. We were happy (or so it seemed... to everyone... and to me). 3 weeks after that we were to wed on the beach, you in the dress I was never allowed to see (but were so radiantly happy when you brought it home, bundled away from my anticipating eyes).
4 weeks ago you brought it all crashing down with no warning. A last-minute change of heart that you said had actually been building for a while. A pain that you chose not to share with me due to a fear that you couldn't be honest with me... honest as we always had been with each other from day one.
If you had told me earlier, we could have righted the ship before it ran aground. Instead you simply ended it, saying you were "just done" without even giving me the warning that we were in such danger. And I, totally willing to do whatever needed to be done to continue this happy life we had lived for 4.5 years, was simply told "It's too late" before I was even aware there was a problem this serious.
It would have been one thing if we had degraded over time... if our flame had died... if our mutual respect had eroded... if there had been infidelity or abuse... but there was none of that. There were complications with your children from a previous marriage, which I (the previously eternal bachelor) was attempting to address and improve. And things were improving. But not quickly enough for you it would seem. And so (from my perspective) we went from being totally in love, totally happy, a mere 3 weeks from our wedding day in paradise... to being completely over in a matter of 3 days from the time you first told me we needed to cancel it all.
It would have been yet another thing had we decided to delay the wedding and work on the things that needed attention. Instead you chose to destroy it all completely. How we went from the verge of committing ourselves to one another for the rest of (one of ) our lives to essentially meaning nothing to each other in a matter of days is something I still cannot reconcile. Not when our last words to one another were "I love you" followed by "I love you too". Senseless.
So now I'm left with a house we built together that I no longer need, a life where I had built everything around a future I no longer have... and most importantly, this complete love for you, for us, for the life were building together that I can no longer share.
I have no idea what I'm supposed to do with that love now. You were the one for me. I've been around long enough to know that. This love will burn in me forever. So here I am, hoping to get some of it out of me... day by day, line by line, word by word... in letters that ultimately will only be unheard whispers into the wind.
So that's the point of this... only I'm not sure what the point of anything else is now.
It is likely that you will never read any of this, and perhaps that's for the best, but this at least allows me to say all the things swirling in my chaotic thoughts. A catharsis of the deeply bruised heart.
5 weeks ago you were smiling, laughing. We were making plans and making love. We were happy (or so it seemed... to everyone... and to me). 3 weeks after that we were to wed on the beach, you in the dress I was never allowed to see (but were so radiantly happy when you brought it home, bundled away from my anticipating eyes).
4 weeks ago you brought it all crashing down with no warning. A last-minute change of heart that you said had actually been building for a while. A pain that you chose not to share with me due to a fear that you couldn't be honest with me... honest as we always had been with each other from day one.
If you had told me earlier, we could have righted the ship before it ran aground. Instead you simply ended it, saying you were "just done" without even giving me the warning that we were in such danger. And I, totally willing to do whatever needed to be done to continue this happy life we had lived for 4.5 years, was simply told "It's too late" before I was even aware there was a problem this serious.
It would have been one thing if we had degraded over time... if our flame had died... if our mutual respect had eroded... if there had been infidelity or abuse... but there was none of that. There were complications with your children from a previous marriage, which I (the previously eternal bachelor) was attempting to address and improve. And things were improving. But not quickly enough for you it would seem. And so (from my perspective) we went from being totally in love, totally happy, a mere 3 weeks from our wedding day in paradise... to being completely over in a matter of 3 days from the time you first told me we needed to cancel it all.
It would have been yet another thing had we decided to delay the wedding and work on the things that needed attention. Instead you chose to destroy it all completely. How we went from the verge of committing ourselves to one another for the rest of (one of ) our lives to essentially meaning nothing to each other in a matter of days is something I still cannot reconcile. Not when our last words to one another were "I love you" followed by "I love you too". Senseless.
So now I'm left with a house we built together that I no longer need, a life where I had built everything around a future I no longer have... and most importantly, this complete love for you, for us, for the life were building together that I can no longer share.
I have no idea what I'm supposed to do with that love now. You were the one for me. I've been around long enough to know that. This love will burn in me forever. So here I am, hoping to get some of it out of me... day by day, line by line, word by word... in letters that ultimately will only be unheard whispers into the wind.
So that's the point of this... only I'm not sure what the point of anything else is now.
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