Yellow Spray Paint
That's a confusing title... and hopefully you'll never know what it means... but maybe you will one day, I can't say how things are going to play out.
I will only say this...
I'm done here... this time for real.
You come here either to massage your ego with how much I'm still destroyed over you and how in love with you I still am... or waiting for me to say "Everything is okay" so that you can no longer feel guilty about how you treated me, how you lied to me for months and how you handled things in the end. Although, honestly, I don't think you have any guilt at all.. you sure as fuck haven't shown any.
Well, things are not okay...and it isn't every going to be okay for me. Not for a long long long fucking time... if ever at all. This has been possibly the worst 7 months of my life... and one of the darkest periods I've ever endured.
But every time I write here I break rule #1 with my therapist, which is to have no contact with you... because you are dishonest, cannot be trusted, do not understand or appreciate how much you've hurt me, just how destroyed my life is and just how dark and suicidal any contact with you makes me because of what you've done and how you've treated me. I cannot BELIEVE how quickly you just went and fucked someone else. Do you have any idea how clear that makes it about how little I meant to you?!?!??
So, I'm going to leave you in the dark now about where I am and what is happening... but just know, things AREN'T okay... i'm NOT okay and things are not all wonderful on my end... and it's ALL YOUR FAULT for how you handled this in the end.
Yes, I made mistakes (which I have accepted, owned and apologized for... begging for the chance to rectify), but you chose to not even allow me a chance to correct them. You chose to throw everything away like it was worthless garbage, to throw me away like I was worthless garbage. Which again makes it clear how little our life really meant to you. You are so selfish.
You clearly have not been honest with the kids about all of my attempts to show them what they mean to me over the last 7 months. I'm sure you never told them how much I miss them, how much I wish I could see them again (do you realize I never even got to say "goodbye" to them?!?!?!) You clearly decided for all 6 of us how things were going to be without even giving me a chance to make them better. The other 5 of us didn't even get to discuss it or get a vote. And I'm sure you've done nothing but poison them against me the whole time. Letting them think I didn't want to be around them when I repeatedly begged you for exactly the opposite of that. The fact that they "didn't understand" why I would buy them xmas presents... bullshit... you just didn't want to tell them "because he misses you guys and does care about you"... no, easier to just let them think I'm some villain. Like I said... you decided for all of us that all of our relationships were over... after all, you didn't want me around since you had to concentrate on that new guy you were fucking.
All you wanted, ultimately, was to go fuck other guys... not directly... but you knew that's where this choice would lead and that's what you wanted over a true, loving, respectful and caring relationship with me.
So fuck you. You treated me like shit while I treated you like the most beautiful, perfect woman in the world.
I hope you get everything you deserve in life.
Good bye.
I will only say this...
I'm done here... this time for real.
You come here either to massage your ego with how much I'm still destroyed over you and how in love with you I still am... or waiting for me to say "Everything is okay" so that you can no longer feel guilty about how you treated me, how you lied to me for months and how you handled things in the end. Although, honestly, I don't think you have any guilt at all.. you sure as fuck haven't shown any.
Well, things are not okay...and it isn't every going to be okay for me. Not for a long long long fucking time... if ever at all. This has been possibly the worst 7 months of my life... and one of the darkest periods I've ever endured.
But every time I write here I break rule #1 with my therapist, which is to have no contact with you... because you are dishonest, cannot be trusted, do not understand or appreciate how much you've hurt me, just how destroyed my life is and just how dark and suicidal any contact with you makes me because of what you've done and how you've treated me. I cannot BELIEVE how quickly you just went and fucked someone else. Do you have any idea how clear that makes it about how little I meant to you?!?!??
So, I'm going to leave you in the dark now about where I am and what is happening... but just know, things AREN'T okay... i'm NOT okay and things are not all wonderful on my end... and it's ALL YOUR FAULT for how you handled this in the end.
Yes, I made mistakes (which I have accepted, owned and apologized for... begging for the chance to rectify), but you chose to not even allow me a chance to correct them. You chose to throw everything away like it was worthless garbage, to throw me away like I was worthless garbage. Which again makes it clear how little our life really meant to you. You are so selfish.
You clearly have not been honest with the kids about all of my attempts to show them what they mean to me over the last 7 months. I'm sure you never told them how much I miss them, how much I wish I could see them again (do you realize I never even got to say "goodbye" to them?!?!?!) You clearly decided for all 6 of us how things were going to be without even giving me a chance to make them better. The other 5 of us didn't even get to discuss it or get a vote. And I'm sure you've done nothing but poison them against me the whole time. Letting them think I didn't want to be around them when I repeatedly begged you for exactly the opposite of that. The fact that they "didn't understand" why I would buy them xmas presents... bullshit... you just didn't want to tell them "because he misses you guys and does care about you"... no, easier to just let them think I'm some villain. Like I said... you decided for all of us that all of our relationships were over... after all, you didn't want me around since you had to concentrate on that new guy you were fucking.
All you wanted, ultimately, was to go fuck other guys... not directly... but you knew that's where this choice would lead and that's what you wanted over a true, loving, respectful and caring relationship with me.
So fuck you. You treated me like shit while I treated you like the most beautiful, perfect woman in the world.
I hope you get everything you deserve in life.
Good bye.
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