The Hard Numbers :: You Were Never In It At All
(Hold on tight.. this one is angry as fuck)
So I talked to someone about the house... They estimate I can sell it right now for 370-380.
So let's start there...
That means I'm already losing 30K-40K form whatwe I paid.
Plus the realtor's fees on the sale at that level would be around 22K.
So now I'm out around 50K-60K.
I pulled the numbers and I've put about 12K into making the house our "home" over the last year... The shed, garage door openers, the door hardware, indoor and outdoor blinds, the electrical work, fans, cabinet hardware and soft close hinges, the shelves I built in the bathrooms and things I've done to upgrade the garage.
So all totaled, if I were to try to sell now I'd be out somewhere around 62K-72K.
Almost 2 years of your fucking salary, just gone from my savings and into the wind. All because I trusted you. Fuck.
And that's what fucking pisses me off. I saw this coming when you decided to end this. What I feared could happen the entire year that I trusted you and went "all in" on the future we promised to each other, supposedly making this house into our home. Loving you is turning out to be the biggest, life trashing mistake I have ever made. Fuck it, you now get my "shittiest girlfriend ever in my life" status. At least the previous worst only cost me 6K to clean up her fucking mess.
And I know your response will be what it always was: "It's just money, it doesn't mean anything." (said so flippantly)
Yeah, that's fucking easy to say when it isn't you picking up the fucking bill. If you knew that you were going to have to cough up 30K-35K to cover your half of this loss I think you'd see it differently. And honestly, that's why I wanted you on the title, so you'd be invested and I wouldn't be out on a limb alone... but the "S girls" always know how to skip out on responsibility. Just ask "hit and run mom". You knew long ago you could skate away and you would never be on the hook for that... simply because you don't have it to give anyway. Just add it to the heap of debt you'll never get on top of.
I was happy to give everything I had to provide for you and the kids. To share what I had available to make us all happy and try to give you the life you wanted. And my family did the same. The fucking hoops jumped through and the sacrifices made by so many people to try and accommodate what you needed in this word. It's fucking humiliating what fools we all were.
But this is where my trust in you has left me. Fucked.
I could rent the place out.. but that at least means I have to fucking pack up and move again... not to mention, I'd have to rent some place because I can't buy another fucking house without selling this one. All of my equity from selling my precious house was dumped into this, our future, so if I rent it out I don't have 100K available anymore for a new down payment because it's all tied up in this place. You bailing really fucked me, fucked me really, really well. Congrats.
And that's the reason I was able to do all these things in the first place, because I don't make irresponsible financial decisions. I don't trust anyone else with my money. But I took a huge risk in trusting you... and this is exactly how people who start in great financial positions end up fucked, by trusting people who *don't* make good long term decisions... and that's something the "S girls" have shown a penchant for time and time again. Making bad decisions... you know, like continuing to fuck a guy who pulled a gun on your family... or running away from a 3rd felony DWI hit and run. I guess it's just in your blood after all even though I never wanted to believe that and thought you were different. Jesus, I never should have trusted you with this.
So I'm stuck here at least for a couple of years, in hopes that I can eventually unload this place for 450K just to break even. And that won't really be "even" anyway as I'll be eating over 10K/year in taxes until then.
Or I could sell the Ferrari to buy a new house. And I swear to fucking god, if the mistake of meeting/loving/trusting you costs me my Ferrari in addition to everything else it already has...
Fuck you.
70 fucking K lost. Think about that... that and you sucking another guy's dick is my reward for everything I did for you and the kids over the last 5 years. All that I did in the last year especially. I Whether you think it's worth anything or not, it is... it's worth exactly 70 fucking K. I sure hope your new asshole is enjoying the fucking blow jobs I essentially paid for.
And that leads to the second part.
People have started pointing out that you were never in this at all (over the last year and a half). They said they could see it in your behavior I think I felt it then and it is definitely what made me nervous and edgy all during the house build and after we moved in. I just wanted to ignore it because I trusted you and believed if I just kept trying and doing then in the end it would all be okay.
WRONG.
You didn't do a *thing* to really invest yourself in this place. And I don't mean money. I know you didn't have any, and I was happy to share what I did have, what I had accomplished, to give us (and the kids) what we all wanted. But you weren't in it at all.
All you did was decorate the kids' rooms. But anything involving us or the rest of the house... it was like pulling teeth to get you to even be involved in any of it. I waiting forever for you to buy barstools and had decided "I guess I'm just going to have to take care of it like everything else"... and you only got it done because your parents were coming to visit. You didn't give a shit about our life here, only the parts that affected you. But I did *tons* that were just for you and the kids. And I'm so sick of hearing that "too little, too late" shit from you. No, motherfucker, you just always wanted "more"... no matter what I did... not enough... "more". Only you didn't say it... you just harbored it deep down in silent resentment.
I set to work immediately after moving in making our house our home and following through on things we talked about wanting to make of it... even the kids' rooms with fans and TVs (yes, you paid your part of that, but I was the one who was gung-ho to buy it for them and install them and made sure it got done). And like the curtains for our bedroom. I had to practically drag you to even decide on what you wanted... I was fine with paying for them, but the fact that you acted like it was "hassle" to make our space what we wanted... that was when red flags went up for me that I'm actually n this alone and this might end with my stuck way out on my own with an anchor of debt around my neck.
Your garden... never even planted a single thing... never even asked me to build you planters for it. You were never engaged in this at all.
I tried to make you a part of everything, wanted your name on the house (even if you couldn't help with the down payment, etc). But really all you did was pay rent for about 9 months. If you were truly invested, but monetarily and emotionally then walking away so easily wouldn't have been possible. And don't give me that shit that it wasn't easy. Oh, so you shed some tears. Big fucking deal, so have I... only I'm not fucking someone else so that I can ignore the responsibilities I have.. and I'm still here having to clean this shit up that was done in good faith to make you and your children happy. So I don't give a shit about how "hard it's been for you". Can't be too hard if you've already moved on to fucking someone else... and I don't see you worried about any of the money impact... because for you there is none... this is all just becoming a memory for you while it's very much the shitty financial reality for me.
And the final part that really pisses me off... you accepted that fucking ring. Another thing that was designed and bought (both rings) to be *exactly* what you wanted... and you said "yes", but you had to have already known you weren't sure. You should have been honest, but instead you didn't manage to find "honesty" until I was way down the road and too fucked to easily get back.
It makes me think of when your brother came down and you were upset they were staying with your cocksucking ex husband... and yet, you're a coward who wouldn't say anything about it. If you didn't like it, why didn't you stand up for yourself. Because that's not the [Most Beautiful] way... her way is just to go along quietly and unhappily and then drop a load on you out of resentment, spite and unspoken discontent when it's too late. She doesn't tell you she's unhappy, she just vindictively gets jerked off by a whore masseur in Vegas.
I now wish I knew more of the shitbag ex-husbands story on why your marriage fell apart. I still think he's an idiot fuckwit (or just gay) for cheating on you... but if he was having to deal with this sort of passive-aggressive white trash shit from you for years then maybe I can start to understand how he might have gotten pretty fucking sick of it.
I guess I just truly loved you more than he did... or I'm a bigger sucker... either way, I dug myself in much farther and took on responsibilities that weren't even mine, all in the name of loving you.
How fucking stupid was I?
So I talked to someone about the house... They estimate I can sell it right now for 370-380.
So let's start there...
That means I'm already losing 30K-40K form what
Plus the realtor's fees on the sale at that level would be around 22K.
So now I'm out around 50K-60K.
I pulled the numbers and I've put about 12K into making the house our "home" over the last year... The shed, garage door openers, the door hardware, indoor and outdoor blinds, the electrical work, fans, cabinet hardware and soft close hinges, the shelves I built in the bathrooms and things I've done to upgrade the garage.
So all totaled, if I were to try to sell now I'd be out somewhere around 62K-72K.
Almost 2 years of your fucking salary, just gone from my savings and into the wind. All because I trusted you. Fuck.
And that's what fucking pisses me off. I saw this coming when you decided to end this. What I feared could happen the entire year that I trusted you and went "all in" on the future we promised to each other, supposedly making this house into our home. Loving you is turning out to be the biggest, life trashing mistake I have ever made. Fuck it, you now get my "shittiest girlfriend ever in my life" status. At least the previous worst only cost me 6K to clean up her fucking mess.
And I know your response will be what it always was: "It's just money, it doesn't mean anything." (said so flippantly)
Yeah, that's fucking easy to say when it isn't you picking up the fucking bill. If you knew that you were going to have to cough up 30K-35K to cover your half of this loss I think you'd see it differently. And honestly, that's why I wanted you on the title, so you'd be invested and I wouldn't be out on a limb alone... but the "S girls" always know how to skip out on responsibility. Just ask "hit and run mom". You knew long ago you could skate away and you would never be on the hook for that... simply because you don't have it to give anyway. Just add it to the heap of debt you'll never get on top of.
I was happy to give everything I had to provide for you and the kids. To share what I had available to make us all happy and try to give you the life you wanted. And my family did the same. The fucking hoops jumped through and the sacrifices made by so many people to try and accommodate what you needed in this word. It's fucking humiliating what fools we all were.
But this is where my trust in you has left me. Fucked.
I could rent the place out.. but that at least means I have to fucking pack up and move again... not to mention, I'd have to rent some place because I can't buy another fucking house without selling this one. All of my equity from selling my precious house was dumped into this, our future, so if I rent it out I don't have 100K available anymore for a new down payment because it's all tied up in this place. You bailing really fucked me, fucked me really, really well. Congrats.
And that's the reason I was able to do all these things in the first place, because I don't make irresponsible financial decisions. I don't trust anyone else with my money. But I took a huge risk in trusting you... and this is exactly how people who start in great financial positions end up fucked, by trusting people who *don't* make good long term decisions... and that's something the "S girls" have shown a penchant for time and time again. Making bad decisions... you know, like continuing to fuck a guy who pulled a gun on your family... or running away from a 3rd felony DWI hit and run. I guess it's just in your blood after all even though I never wanted to believe that and thought you were different. Jesus, I never should have trusted you with this.
So I'm stuck here at least for a couple of years, in hopes that I can eventually unload this place for 450K just to break even. And that won't really be "even" anyway as I'll be eating over 10K/year in taxes until then.
Or I could sell the Ferrari to buy a new house. And I swear to fucking god, if the mistake of meeting/loving/trusting you costs me my Ferrari in addition to everything else it already has...
Fuck you.
70 fucking K lost. Think about that... that and you sucking another guy's dick is my reward for everything I did for you and the kids over the last 5 years. All that I did in the last year especially. I Whether you think it's worth anything or not, it is... it's worth exactly 70 fucking K. I sure hope your new asshole is enjoying the fucking blow jobs I essentially paid for.
And that leads to the second part.
People have started pointing out that you were never in this at all (over the last year and a half). They said they could see it in your behavior I think I felt it then and it is definitely what made me nervous and edgy all during the house build and after we moved in. I just wanted to ignore it because I trusted you and believed if I just kept trying and doing then in the end it would all be okay.
WRONG.
You didn't do a *thing* to really invest yourself in this place. And I don't mean money. I know you didn't have any, and I was happy to share what I did have, what I had accomplished, to give us (and the kids) what we all wanted. But you weren't in it at all.
All you did was decorate the kids' rooms. But anything involving us or the rest of the house... it was like pulling teeth to get you to even be involved in any of it. I waiting forever for you to buy barstools and had decided "I guess I'm just going to have to take care of it like everything else"... and you only got it done because your parents were coming to visit. You didn't give a shit about our life here, only the parts that affected you. But I did *tons* that were just for you and the kids. And I'm so sick of hearing that "too little, too late" shit from you. No, motherfucker, you just always wanted "more"... no matter what I did... not enough... "more". Only you didn't say it... you just harbored it deep down in silent resentment.
I set to work immediately after moving in making our house our home and following through on things we talked about wanting to make of it... even the kids' rooms with fans and TVs (yes, you paid your part of that, but I was the one who was gung-ho to buy it for them and install them and made sure it got done). And like the curtains for our bedroom. I had to practically drag you to even decide on what you wanted... I was fine with paying for them, but the fact that you acted like it was "hassle" to make our space what we wanted... that was when red flags went up for me that I'm actually n this alone and this might end with my stuck way out on my own with an anchor of debt around my neck.
Your garden... never even planted a single thing... never even asked me to build you planters for it. You were never engaged in this at all.
I tried to make you a part of everything, wanted your name on the house (even if you couldn't help with the down payment, etc). But really all you did was pay rent for about 9 months. If you were truly invested, but monetarily and emotionally then walking away so easily wouldn't have been possible. And don't give me that shit that it wasn't easy. Oh, so you shed some tears. Big fucking deal, so have I... only I'm not fucking someone else so that I can ignore the responsibilities I have.. and I'm still here having to clean this shit up that was done in good faith to make you and your children happy. So I don't give a shit about how "hard it's been for you". Can't be too hard if you've already moved on to fucking someone else... and I don't see you worried about any of the money impact... because for you there is none... this is all just becoming a memory for you while it's very much the shitty financial reality for me.
And the final part that really pisses me off... you accepted that fucking ring. Another thing that was designed and bought (both rings) to be *exactly* what you wanted... and you said "yes", but you had to have already known you weren't sure. You should have been honest, but instead you didn't manage to find "honesty" until I was way down the road and too fucked to easily get back.
It makes me think of when your brother came down and you were upset they were staying with your cocksucking ex husband... and yet, you're a coward who wouldn't say anything about it. If you didn't like it, why didn't you stand up for yourself. Because that's not the [Most Beautiful] way... her way is just to go along quietly and unhappily and then drop a load on you out of resentment, spite and unspoken discontent when it's too late. She doesn't tell you she's unhappy, she just vindictively gets jerked off by a whore masseur in Vegas.
I now wish I knew more of the shitbag ex-husbands story on why your marriage fell apart. I still think he's an idiot fuckwit (or just gay) for cheating on you... but if he was having to deal with this sort of passive-aggressive white trash shit from you for years then maybe I can start to understand how he might have gotten pretty fucking sick of it.
I guess I just truly loved you more than he did... or I'm a bigger sucker... either way, I dug myself in much farther and took on responsibilities that weren't even mine, all in the name of loving you.
How fucking stupid was I?
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