The Rest of Your Life :: You Didn't Even Make It a Year

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Red Balloon

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Today is hard. But don't I say that every day? It's been 5 weeks to the day since you dropped the bomb on everything. 2 weeks ago today we were to wed. This time (1:06am) on that day would have been deep into our wedding night. Waves crashing on the beach outside the open doors of our room, beyond the private pool and deck. I would know what your dress looks like by now... but now I'll never even see it at all. Never see the perfection of your curves in it. Your smile in the sun, bare feet in the sand, bouquet in hand. I would have cried my eyes out in happiness. I actually haven't cried in all of this. A friend said that she thinks some things hurt so badly that even tears can't do it justice. I think she is profound. So much gone. So much lost. So pointless. Tonight too many of the really bad thoughts keep winning. The images of the hands of other men gliding over the body of my wife. You smiling up at them. The images of your hands on them... and worse... a...
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It's Been a Great Couple of Months

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My Birthday: Sat alone in the house. Thanksgiving: Sat alone in the house. Christmas: Sat alone in the house. New Year's: Sat alone in the house. Valentine's: Sat alone in the house. "Our house..."our".... fucking bullshit. I've now been in "our" house longer than you lived here with me. You're a fucking coward. You're a fucking liar. Hope you're having a wonderful time fucking whatever random dude you're fucking now. And I say random since you could have only known him a short time when you started fucking him soon after we were supposed to marry. Although I get the feeling that whomever you're fucking now isn't the same random dude you were fucking right after you broke it off. Which means you're already on to yet another random dude. What a whore. And if it isn't some "random" dude.. if it's someone you knew when we were together... well then that makes you a lying, cheating fucking whor...
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You Just Don't Fucking Get It

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Just because you're happy sucking some other guy's dick doesn't mean everything is all peachy for everyone. I still have to take drugs every day just to keep myself from getting so depressed that I put a bullet through my head. You will never understand just how much destruction you've left behind you. My life is completely fucked. So just because you ended up in a good place, quit thinking everything is okay. It's not. For me it's all still complete shit. When you first told me... just 8 weeks after we were supposed to wed "I'm seeing someone, I wish you all the best!". Are you fucking kidding me with that "everything is great!" chipper bullshit?!?!??! When are you going to fucking understand just how much damage and pain you have caused? Like... right now... this very moment... what does our relationship cost you? And I don't just mean financially... i mean emotionally, psychologically... fucking NOTHING. Yet I s...
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