I Think I'm Done :: I Clearly Have No Value
I think I've said all I have to say... most things I've said multiple times and you clearly don't give a shit, so I think that's enough.
I made a mistake in an emotional moment when I pointed you here, I should have just sent screenshots. Now this is no longer a place where I can come "scream into the void" and get things off of my chest. Once I opened it up to you it became a method of (unrequited) direct communication that now just leaves me even more depressed. I failed to see what a bad position I was putting myself in... once again at your mercy to treat me like a worthless piece of shit.
I've come here numerous times and laid out all that I have to offer... each time getting nothing but silence from you. And each time it now only serves to make me feel bad about myself (while, I'm sure, making you feel great about yourself). I can't deal with that any more.
I think I understand why you come here... it strokes your ego massively.
I'm sure you love to hear how in love with you I still am, how everyone else pales in comparison and I'm sure it feels fantastic to hear someone tell you how beautiful and perfect you are... but the fact that none of it makes any difference to you (I can only assume, due to your lack of response to everything I've said and done) only serves to make me feel even more worthless. Especially if after all I've said and done you only respond by fucking someone else. I don't need even more people/things in the world making me shitty about myself right now. Fucking Schizas girls.
It would be easy to say your love for me is gone... yet, maybe not, and maybe that's a part of why you come here... but, if so, that's pretty unfair of you.
You don't want me, you've made that abundantly clear (in both words and actions)... yet you get upset and text me how "It. Kills. You." to think (incorrectly) that someone else might have their eyes on me... so basically the old story of "I don't want you but I don't want anyone else to have you either". That's real fair. Especially while you're already fucking someone else. So hypocritical.
So I make it clear to you that I'm still here for the taking... and I offer up everything you claim that you're looking for (for you and your kids)... yet nothing. Which clearly means you're lying. You ultimately didn't want what you said you did, otherwise you would at least tried to let the "love of your life" give it to you... instead you ultimately just wanted to fuck other people.
So, either you no longer care for me at all, or you think I'm a liar.
If you think I'm a liar, you're wrong.
And if you no longer care, then why do you come here? (because it makes you feel good and gives you something you aren't getting from whatever random shitbag you're fucking now, I guess). If you no longer care then you shouldn't have reached out and turned my world upside down... AGAIN... especially at the moment you did. It derailed a lot of things more than you'll ever realize. But it's not like you to give a shit about the impact you're having or anything. You clearly haven't for some time.
Yet, with all of my shifted focus, all that I've done over the last couple of years and all that I've pleaded with you to let me do (for you and them) over the last 5 months... somehow I'm the selfish one. Bullshit.
You've done nothing but make this harder and harder on me all along, while making it as easy for you as possible. No financial burden, no problem finding someone else to fuck and keep you company, no worries with how to dig yourself out of the hole that was created by our relationship... nope, you just skated away just like the fucking Schizas girls always do. Just like your mother pulling a hit and run to avoid a third (or was it fourth?) DWI. You trash lives but shirk all responsibilities that were caused by it. Must be nice to just skate by since you have a hot bod that allows you to never sleep alone if you don't wish and to do whatever you want.
First, you bail (for the THIRD time) without any warning... 2 weeks before our wedding and 1 year after I (and my family) did some pretty massive things in this world just to try and make you happy. (although I should have seen it coming due to your history)
I start to come to grips with that after 3 months... and then you decide to tell me you're fucking someone else.. which I *really* didn't need to know and certainly didn't fucking ask. And I get set way back.
I start to come to grips with that... and then you pop up without warning (after 4 months of trying to get *any* response from you) and it sets me way back once again.
And each time I lay it all out for you, try to be supportive, try to make it clear that this shitty path you decided we should be on isn't necessary, try to convince you of all I have to offer and how it's exactly what you *claim* to be what it is you're looking for... but you couldn't seem to care less.
So, clearly, you're lying. You'd rather just continue fucking some other random dickhead who *didn't* put a ring on your finger and *didn't* buy you a house than even give me one opportunity to show you things can be what you want. Somehow you found someone else who magically *does* have everything you're looking for right after you bail on me. How lucky you are!!! And yet...
No matter what I offer, no matter what effort I make, no matter what I've proven in the past to be worth, you just ignore it all.
Clearly you think I have no value. Clearly you think I'm worthless. Clearly you think I have nothing to offer.
And I just can't have someone affecting me like that. I don't need it on top of all the other shitty things coming down on me since you decided to fuck me over like this.
Funny, because you needed to "focus on yourself and focus on the kids" and so there isn't time for "us"... okay... so I offer to only focus on the kids... I'm not concerned about "us", we'll get around to that once the kids part is "fixed"... yet, you did seem to find time for romance with some random fucking dude. No matter what you say about how you met or that you "weren't looking for it", if it was romantic and serious enough to be considered "seeing someone" then that means you had to have given him time for just the two of you... had to have gone out on dates and taken time to get romantically attached. Had to have taken time "just for the two of you"... time to suck his dick and get the fucking that you wanted, basically. So that makes you a fucking liar (once again... something I now realize you have been for some time). Basically some nobody who has never done anything for you (or the kids) (other than wanting to fuck you, which I told you you wouldn't have a problem finding people who would) has more value than I do. Seems fair. After all, I clearly have nothing to offer (according to your actions) and have never done anything for you and them.
Meanwhile I ask repeatedly only for time with you and the kids.. or even just the kids solo... exactly what you said you needed from me... but you can't be bothered. Time with some random fucko, sure, but time for the man who has been dedicated to you and your kids for years, who turned his life upside down to try and make you happy, to try and accommodate all of you and what you needed? Nope, sorry... that's guy has nothing to offer.
So I don't think you quite appreciate just how shitty and worthless that makes me feel. How completely without value you are making me seem... And I just can't have that any more. So hopefully this new guy you're fucking is making you feel fantastic, that you're the most beautiful woman on Earth and that you're completely perfect... because I can't do it any more as it only makes me feel like a worthless piece of shit.
I've been keeping some people at a distance romantically (no, not Diane) but I guess it's time to just give in to the "settling for less" and start spending time with them. Unfortunately they fail the same simple, 3-word test that all women will fail forever: "She's not [Most Beautiful]". They don't compare to you, but at least they are eager to spend time with me and seem to appreciate what I have to offer. So, in that regard, I guess they *are* better than you. They at least make me feel good about myself, whereas you just make me feel like shit and like a total fool for everything I've done and continue to do. Oh, and they don't appear to lie to me. I guess that's a plus for them over you as well.
P.S. You're welcome for your recent treats, BTW. At least a simple "thank you" would have been nice (but again, you couldn't be bothered). Also for K's gift a little while ago. I still don't understand why doing nice things gets me nothing but such animosity. You always complained about M being ungrateful... I guess maybe now I see exactly where she gets it.
I made a mistake in an emotional moment when I pointed you here, I should have just sent screenshots. Now this is no longer a place where I can come "scream into the void" and get things off of my chest. Once I opened it up to you it became a method of (unrequited) direct communication that now just leaves me even more depressed. I failed to see what a bad position I was putting myself in... once again at your mercy to treat me like a worthless piece of shit.
I've come here numerous times and laid out all that I have to offer... each time getting nothing but silence from you. And each time it now only serves to make me feel bad about myself (while, I'm sure, making you feel great about yourself). I can't deal with that any more.
I think I understand why you come here... it strokes your ego massively.
I'm sure you love to hear how in love with you I still am, how everyone else pales in comparison and I'm sure it feels fantastic to hear someone tell you how beautiful and perfect you are... but the fact that none of it makes any difference to you (I can only assume, due to your lack of response to everything I've said and done) only serves to make me feel even more worthless. Especially if after all I've said and done you only respond by fucking someone else. I don't need even more people/things in the world making me shitty about myself right now. Fucking Schizas girls.
It would be easy to say your love for me is gone... yet, maybe not, and maybe that's a part of why you come here... but, if so, that's pretty unfair of you.
You don't want me, you've made that abundantly clear (in both words and actions)... yet you get upset and text me how "It. Kills. You." to think (incorrectly) that someone else might have their eyes on me... so basically the old story of "I don't want you but I don't want anyone else to have you either". That's real fair. Especially while you're already fucking someone else. So hypocritical.
So I make it clear to you that I'm still here for the taking... and I offer up everything you claim that you're looking for (for you and your kids)... yet nothing. Which clearly means you're lying. You ultimately didn't want what you said you did, otherwise you would at least tried to let the "love of your life" give it to you... instead you ultimately just wanted to fuck other people.
So, either you no longer care for me at all, or you think I'm a liar.
If you think I'm a liar, you're wrong.
And if you no longer care, then why do you come here? (because it makes you feel good and gives you something you aren't getting from whatever random shitbag you're fucking now, I guess). If you no longer care then you shouldn't have reached out and turned my world upside down... AGAIN... especially at the moment you did. It derailed a lot of things more than you'll ever realize. But it's not like you to give a shit about the impact you're having or anything. You clearly haven't for some time.
Yet, with all of my shifted focus, all that I've done over the last couple of years and all that I've pleaded with you to let me do (for you and them) over the last 5 months... somehow I'm the selfish one. Bullshit.
You've done nothing but make this harder and harder on me all along, while making it as easy for you as possible. No financial burden, no problem finding someone else to fuck and keep you company, no worries with how to dig yourself out of the hole that was created by our relationship... nope, you just skated away just like the fucking Schizas girls always do. Just like your mother pulling a hit and run to avoid a third (or was it fourth?) DWI. You trash lives but shirk all responsibilities that were caused by it. Must be nice to just skate by since you have a hot bod that allows you to never sleep alone if you don't wish and to do whatever you want.
First, you bail (for the THIRD time) without any warning... 2 weeks before our wedding and 1 year after I (and my family) did some pretty massive things in this world just to try and make you happy. (although I should have seen it coming due to your history)
I start to come to grips with that after 3 months... and then you decide to tell me you're fucking someone else.. which I *really* didn't need to know and certainly didn't fucking ask. And I get set way back.
I start to come to grips with that... and then you pop up without warning (after 4 months of trying to get *any* response from you) and it sets me way back once again.
And each time I lay it all out for you, try to be supportive, try to make it clear that this shitty path you decided we should be on isn't necessary, try to convince you of all I have to offer and how it's exactly what you *claim* to be what it is you're looking for... but you couldn't seem to care less.
So, clearly, you're lying. You'd rather just continue fucking some other random dickhead who *didn't* put a ring on your finger and *didn't* buy you a house than even give me one opportunity to show you things can be what you want. Somehow you found someone else who magically *does* have everything you're looking for right after you bail on me. How lucky you are!!! And yet...
No matter what I offer, no matter what effort I make, no matter what I've proven in the past to be worth, you just ignore it all.
Clearly you think I have no value. Clearly you think I'm worthless. Clearly you think I have nothing to offer.
And I just can't have someone affecting me like that. I don't need it on top of all the other shitty things coming down on me since you decided to fuck me over like this.
Funny, because you needed to "focus on yourself and focus on the kids" and so there isn't time for "us"... okay... so I offer to only focus on the kids... I'm not concerned about "us", we'll get around to that once the kids part is "fixed"... yet, you did seem to find time for romance with some random fucking dude. No matter what you say about how you met or that you "weren't looking for it", if it was romantic and serious enough to be considered "seeing someone" then that means you had to have given him time for just the two of you... had to have gone out on dates and taken time to get romantically attached. Had to have taken time "just for the two of you"... time to suck his dick and get the fucking that you wanted, basically. So that makes you a fucking liar (once again... something I now realize you have been for some time). Basically some nobody who has never done anything for you (or the kids) (other than wanting to fuck you, which I told you you wouldn't have a problem finding people who would) has more value than I do. Seems fair. After all, I clearly have nothing to offer (according to your actions) and have never done anything for you and them.
Meanwhile I ask repeatedly only for time with you and the kids.. or even just the kids solo... exactly what you said you needed from me... but you can't be bothered. Time with some random fucko, sure, but time for the man who has been dedicated to you and your kids for years, who turned his life upside down to try and make you happy, to try and accommodate all of you and what you needed? Nope, sorry... that's guy has nothing to offer.
So I don't think you quite appreciate just how shitty and worthless that makes me feel. How completely without value you are making me seem... And I just can't have that any more. So hopefully this new guy you're fucking is making you feel fantastic, that you're the most beautiful woman on Earth and that you're completely perfect... because I can't do it any more as it only makes me feel like a worthless piece of shit.
I've been keeping some people at a distance romantically (no, not Diane) but I guess it's time to just give in to the "settling for less" and start spending time with them. Unfortunately they fail the same simple, 3-word test that all women will fail forever: "She's not [Most Beautiful]". They don't compare to you, but at least they are eager to spend time with me and seem to appreciate what I have to offer. So, in that regard, I guess they *are* better than you. They at least make me feel good about myself, whereas you just make me feel like shit and like a total fool for everything I've done and continue to do. Oh, and they don't appear to lie to me. I guess that's a plus for them over you as well.
P.S. You're welcome for your recent treats, BTW. At least a simple "thank you" would have been nice (but again, you couldn't be bothered). Also for K's gift a little while ago. I still don't understand why doing nice things gets me nothing but such animosity. You always complained about M being ungrateful... I guess maybe now I see exactly where she gets it.
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