If Only
All I can say to you is "Things change".
If you honestly step back and look at our relationship, look at how much changed during those 4.5 years (especially in the last 1.5).
Why would you think that they wouldn't continue to change or that they couldn't change specifically in ways you need them to?
Why would you think *I* wouldn't continue to change things when I had clearly done that repeatedly to try and get us to a happier place all the time?
Why would you think that when being faced with completely losing everything I had worked 4 years for...for you, for them, for us... losing everything that was paving the road for *the rest of our lives*... why would you think I wouldn't change when faced with losing all of that?
::
At no point during any of this did I tell you that you were wrong or argue with you about how you needed to just accept things as they were.
From the very start of this... I spent the 3 days from when we talked on the phone from Nebraska until we met face to face not coming up with excuses or ways to convince you to accept things how they were or explain how you were "wrong"... No. I spent that time looking back on how we got there and what I needed to do to change things so that you (and they) (and I) could be happy.
Fairly, honestly, look back on the last 4 months. (Emotional thrashing aside) At no point have I done anything other than say "I hear you. I understand that you need your priorities to be my priorities. I can (and will) do that... I just need you to give me the opportunity to do so."
I said it when you returned from NE and I'm still here saying it today. And I haven't stopped saying it for one moment in between. That should tell you something.
I have to respect it if you don't think it will change. But I also take offense to that because you're essentially calling me a liar, and I don't lie to you.
And I can understand if you worry that maybe it's something I would like to be able to do, but what if I can't in the end? And that's why I'm trying to not make it "a big gamble" for you. You don't have to put everything on the line, just let me be a part of some small, simple things so you can see for yourself if things can change in the ways you need.
As I said before... you're going to do these things anyway... take them to dinner or movies or whatever... just let me be a part of something... let me carry some of the load with you and see if it can't move in the direction you need. You have nothing to lose, but you might just find that you already have the partner you need in life, because things can (and do) change.
Or hell, let *me* take them solo... to grab burgers or donuts or tacos or do the car stuff. I actually kinda like that idea better... I can explain why another time.
If you don't believe in me then I can't convince you (and that's a shame). But if you don't honestly believe that I have both the ability and desire to change then you aren't being fair as my record shows something very different. I wasn't all the way where you needed me to be, I know that, but I also was nowhere near the person I was when we met. I had changed.
I spent no time with them at first... but by the "end" I was enjoying time with them in certain ways and looked forward to seeing them. I planned ahead for things I was looking forward to doing with them when they were with us. And now I *miss* seeing them and I constantly ask you to let me do things with them whether you are even around to be a part of it or not.
And all of this while I could be off living some "eligible bachelor" life with all that responsibility fading behind me. But instead I'm still here 4 months later fighting for it just like I have done for almost 5 years. That should tell you something.
This man (of yours) is still here. This house (of yours) is still here. And (this part isn't as important right now, but) that bed (of yours) is still right here. This life (of ours) is still here... It can and will change as we need it to... All you have to do is not give up on the idea that things can change, because they always do and they always will.
Keep it slow, make it something small that you'd be comfortable with.... but...
You've told me what you need from me, what you need me to do... now just let me do it.
Start with something small...
...and see.
If you honestly step back and look at our relationship, look at how much changed during those 4.5 years (especially in the last 1.5).
Why would you think that they wouldn't continue to change or that they couldn't change specifically in ways you need them to?
Why would you think *I* wouldn't continue to change things when I had clearly done that repeatedly to try and get us to a happier place all the time?
Why would you think that when being faced with completely losing everything I had worked 4 years for...for you, for them, for us... losing everything that was paving the road for *the rest of our lives*... why would you think I wouldn't change when faced with losing all of that?
::
At no point during any of this did I tell you that you were wrong or argue with you about how you needed to just accept things as they were.
From the very start of this... I spent the 3 days from when we talked on the phone from Nebraska until we met face to face not coming up with excuses or ways to convince you to accept things how they were or explain how you were "wrong"... No. I spent that time looking back on how we got there and what I needed to do to change things so that you (and they) (and I) could be happy.
Fairly, honestly, look back on the last 4 months. (Emotional thrashing aside) At no point have I done anything other than say "I hear you. I understand that you need your priorities to be my priorities. I can (and will) do that... I just need you to give me the opportunity to do so."
I said it when you returned from NE and I'm still here saying it today. And I haven't stopped saying it for one moment in between. That should tell you something.
I have to respect it if you don't think it will change. But I also take offense to that because you're essentially calling me a liar, and I don't lie to you.
And I can understand if you worry that maybe it's something I would like to be able to do, but what if I can't in the end? And that's why I'm trying to not make it "a big gamble" for you. You don't have to put everything on the line, just let me be a part of some small, simple things so you can see for yourself if things can change in the ways you need.
As I said before... you're going to do these things anyway... take them to dinner or movies or whatever... just let me be a part of something... let me carry some of the load with you and see if it can't move in the direction you need. You have nothing to lose, but you might just find that you already have the partner you need in life, because things can (and do) change.
Or hell, let *me* take them solo... to grab burgers or donuts or tacos or do the car stuff. I actually kinda like that idea better... I can explain why another time.
If you don't believe in me then I can't convince you (and that's a shame). But if you don't honestly believe that I have both the ability and desire to change then you aren't being fair as my record shows something very different. I wasn't all the way where you needed me to be, I know that, but I also was nowhere near the person I was when we met. I had changed.
I spent no time with them at first... but by the "end" I was enjoying time with them in certain ways and looked forward to seeing them. I planned ahead for things I was looking forward to doing with them when they were with us. And now I *miss* seeing them and I constantly ask you to let me do things with them whether you are even around to be a part of it or not.
And all of this while I could be off living some "eligible bachelor" life with all that responsibility fading behind me. But instead I'm still here 4 months later fighting for it just like I have done for almost 5 years. That should tell you something.
This man (of yours) is still here. This house (of yours) is still here. And (this part isn't as important right now, but) that bed (of yours) is still right here. This life (of ours) is still here... It can and will change as we need it to... All you have to do is not give up on the idea that things can change, because they always do and they always will.
Keep it slow, make it something small that you'd be comfortable with.... but...
You've told me what you need from me, what you need me to do... now just let me do it.
Start with something small...
...and see.
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