6 Months
Today is a perfect representation of what life is like (for me) now.
Cold, colorless and gray.
When I think of you now (which is still every. single. day. ...I miss you and the kids just the same, even after all of these months)... I always picture you laughing and skipping along, enjoying your new life with whatever random dude you're now fucking.
But for me nothing has changed. Every day is a struggle just to get through... trying to find purpose... trying to keep myself occupied and distracted with friends or projects.
No point in working on the house now, not since I'm going to leave it as soon as I can do so while losing as little money as possible. Such a waste. That tile in our bathroom that you loved so much. That big patio that we didn't even last long enough to get a grill for or to sit out and enjoy the sunsets on. The girls' bathroom... all of it, made just for our future life... all the plans I was making... all that I was working toward for you and for them and for us... all that you just threw away like it wasn't worth a god damned thing... and me with it... also not worth a god damned thing.
There's no point to this. You don't care.
But, if you do change your mind. I'm still here. I curse your name every day, but I still love you and still want the happiness I had with us, still willing to do everything necessary to make that happen.
So if you find yourself missing us one day... then PICK UP YOUR FUCKING PHONE AND REACH OUT TO ME.
But you won't... because S-girls always make bad long-term decisions based on bad short-term thinking.
You made a giant mistake.
Cold, colorless and gray.
When I think of you now (which is still every. single. day. ...I miss you and the kids just the same, even after all of these months)... I always picture you laughing and skipping along, enjoying your new life with whatever random dude you're now fucking.
But for me nothing has changed. Every day is a struggle just to get through... trying to find purpose... trying to keep myself occupied and distracted with friends or projects.
No point in working on the house now, not since I'm going to leave it as soon as I can do so while losing as little money as possible. Such a waste. That tile in our bathroom that you loved so much. That big patio that we didn't even last long enough to get a grill for or to sit out and enjoy the sunsets on. The girls' bathroom... all of it, made just for our future life... all the plans I was making... all that I was working toward for you and for them and for us... all that you just threw away like it wasn't worth a god damned thing... and me with it... also not worth a god damned thing.
There's no point to this. You don't care.
But, if you do change your mind. I'm still here. I curse your name every day, but I still love you and still want the happiness I had with us, still willing to do everything necessary to make that happen.
So if you find yourself missing us one day... then PICK UP YOUR FUCKING PHONE AND REACH OUT TO ME.
But you won't... because S-girls always make bad long-term decisions based on bad short-term thinking.
You made a giant mistake.
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