Letters to My Wife

That's a confusing title... and hopefully you'll never know what it means...  but maybe you will one day, I can't say how things are going to play out. I will only say this... I'm done here... this time for real. You come here either to massage your ego with how much I'm still destroyed over you and how in love with you I still am... or waiting for me to say "Everything is okay" so that you can no longer feel guilty about how you treated me, how you lied to me for months and how you handled things in the end. Although, honestly, I don't think you have any guilt at all.. you sure as fuck haven't shown any. Well, things are not okay...and it isn't every going to be okay for me. Not for a long long long fucking time... if ever at all. This has been possibly the worst 7 months of my life... and one of the darkest periods I've ever endured. But every time I write here I break rule #1 with my therapist, which is to have no contact with ...

Just because you're happy sucking some other guy's dick doesn't mean everything is all peachy for everyone. I still have to take drugs every day just to keep myself from getting so depressed that I put a bullet through my head. You will never understand just how much destruction you've left behind you. My life is completely fucked. So just because you ended up in a good place, quit thinking everything is okay. It's not. For me it's all still complete shit. When you first told me... just 8 weeks after we were supposed to wed "I'm seeing someone, I wish you all the best!". Are you fucking kidding me with that "everything is great!" chipper bullshit?!?!??! When are you going to fucking understand just how much damage and pain you have caused? Like... right now... this very moment... what does our relationship cost you? And I don't just mean financially... i mean emotionally, psychologically... fucking NOTHING. Yet I s...

And they always say you should trust that when it happens. I'm getting weird vibes from certain friends of mine. I don't ask questions that I don't want to hear the answers to, so I don't want to know... but I certainly hope there is no truth to these little hints I'm getting from people. I certainly hope you're at least a decent person. Because if I find out that what I'm getting this feeling about is true... Let's just say it's not going to end well for any of us. I'm angry with you about what you did to me 7 months ago, but that's to be expected... I certainly hope you haven't done something truly despicable and unforgivable and so hurtful to me that it makes me hate you to the core forever. If this turns out to be true then I'm fucking out . I would like to think that I know you better than that... but at this point I don't trust you at all and question whether or not I ever really knew who you were. So I can easil...

My Birthday: Sat alone in the house. Thanksgiving: Sat alone in the house. Christmas: Sat alone in the house. New Year's: Sat alone in the house. Valentine's: Sat alone in the house. "Our house..."our".... fucking bullshit. I've now been in "our" house longer than you lived here with me. You're a fucking coward. You're a fucking liar. Hope you're having a wonderful time fucking whatever random dude you're fucking now. And I say random since you could have only known him a short time when you started fucking him soon after we were supposed to marry. Although I get the feeling that whomever you're fucking now isn't the same random dude you were fucking right after you broke it off. Which means you're already on to yet another random dude. What a whore. And if it isn't some "random" dude.. if it's someone you knew when we were together... well then that makes you a lying, cheating fucking whor...

Yesterday was Ex-NFL's birthday. His bitch wife was up his ass the entire time, snipping at him when he did little unimportant things that irritated her. Again, I think to myself... we were never like that. We were never *going* to be like that.. yet those two fuckers are *still* together and we're not. Makes no fucking sense to me... and is such a waste. And when she's not around his old antics continue... although with the way she acts I can't blame him. He often talks of divorce... then a few days later he's back to "things are getting better!"... so clearly he got her to lay him and so he forgets his misery for a few days. We were out with two attractive female friends of mine last week, one of whom, like him, is unhappily married. At some point they were dancing and grinding on each other. It's clear he'd like to fuck her if he had the chance. And, again, it pisses me off and makes me think how shitty that is. That people are in these sh...

Something I've thought about many times over the last 6 months is how the pain of all this doesn't add up. I get that you weren't as happy as I wanted you to be, not as happy as I was... and I get that the kids weren't as happy as you (and I) wanted them to be. But this... This is a shitshow. There's no way that the happiness you have now (whatever that may be) and that they have now comes anywhere near the happiness that we had. And there is no way the unhappiness you and they felt comes anywhere *near* the complete misery I have felt for 6 months now (and it's clearly nowhere near over yet). These have been very very very dark days... probably the second-worst period of my entire life. And I just can't believe that the sadness you felt comes anywhere near the pain I've had to endure. The struggle I've had to make (even with help from friends, therapists and drugs) just to survive each day. You weren't as in as much pain as I have ...

(It seems like you don't come here anymore.. which means I can go back to writing here for the reasons I started... and even if you do come here, nothing I have to say now is going to stroke your ego, you fucking ungrateful, using cunt). When you didn't like that your husband was spending time with his friends in Vegas instead of with you... rather than telling him you instead cheated on him by paying a whore masseur to rub you off until you came. Nice passive-aggressive, cowardly bullshit on your part. That's the kind of person you are. You went and fucked around on your husband because you didn't have the guts to just say what you were feeling. That is some underhanded, duplicitous, scumbag behavior right there. Say what you want about me... but I never fucked around on anyone I was with... and I never broke any marriage vows. If the shit I've been dealing with from you over the last year is what [Longhorn Fan] dealt with for years then no wonder he fucke...